From Chapter 3

ROCK ENIGMA YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE CONSIDERED #4: 
Is this the ultimate aphrodisiac or just snake oil?

“Love Potion No. 9 – The Clovers (’59); The Searchers (’64); The Coasters ’71)

If you’re getting the feeling this song is a perennial favorite, you’re not alone. And it’s not too hard to figure out why. Who hasn’t wished, at one time or another, that they had a little bit of the old love mojo workin’ for them? Once we admit to that, it’s easy to see why this song keeps cropping up. We all want to know three things: what’s in it, does it really work, and if so, where can we get some? Especially the last two. But then again, these days we’re all so health-conscious, perhaps the first question is at the top of everyone’s list. Well, I like a good challenge as much as the next person, so let the search begin.

An Inquiry into the Pharmacological Properties of Love Potion # 9

Obviously the best place to start is with what we know. From the lyrics we glean that it:  1) can be made in a sink   2) smells like turpentine   3) looks like India ink.  It doesn’t taste very good either, as indicated by the fact that the guy in the song holds his nose before he downs it. From that description I must say that except for the sink part, Love Potion # 9 sounds eerily similar to Buckley’s Mixture. For those of you not familiar with Buckley’s, it’s a Canadian cough and cold remedy (now available worldwide) that is the most effective medicine on the planet. Only problem is, it tastes really really bad. But they cleverly market it with the slogan, “It tastes awful. And it works.” I can speak with the voice of experience on this subject because I have had occasion to use Buckley’s, and yes, it does work, and yes, it tastes truly awful. But I must be honest about it and tell you that while I did feel better, I didn’t feel THATmuch better, if you follow me. So I think where cold-remedies-as-aphrodisiacs are concerned, we can hit Delete. Does that mean there’s no such thing as Love Potion #9? I wouldn’t be discouraged; we’re not finished with the subject yet. I’ve done most of the legwork; here are the results so you can make up your own mind.

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From Chapter 13 on "Misheard Lyrics"

You may recall from when you were reading the Introduction, the part where I was explaining the absence of complete sets of lyrics in this book, where I copped to having my very own personal collection of the misheard, despite my unusual skill in lyrics retention. Some of you might even have been wondering if I was going to tell you about it, or take the secret with me when I go. Well, I want a clean slate as much as anyone, and if there ever was a perfect time and place, this is it, so get ready to hear my confession. You might even be inspired to make one of your own some time. We all have erred, my brethren and sistern, but rock and roll always forgives.

Song lyrics can be misheard for a number of reasons. Some, like in the notorious “Louie Louie,” are vague because the recording conditions were less than perfect, compounded in L² by that fake accent. Lyrics can also be hard to understand because of bad enunciation on the part of the singers; some singers just plain mumble. Or perhaps there are simply too many lyrics for the music; there’ll be a prime example of that below. And finally, song lyrics can be misheard as a result of the peculiarities of the English language itself, the way vowels and consonants affect each other in proximity. It’s not unlike the way your Madras shirt bled into your crew sox the first few times you did your own laundry. You should have listened to what your mother said about mixing whites and colors. This last source of misheard lyrics is responsible for what is arguably the most famous example of all time. I’m referring, of course, to Jimi Hendrix’s acid anthem, “Purple Haze,” wherein  “’Scuse me while I kiss the sky” comes out sounding like “’Scuse me while I kiss this guy.”  I wondered if this would happen in any other language except English, so just to be on the safe side, I checked it out with one of those handy on-line translation sites.

Here’s what I found:

’Scuse me while I kiss the sky

French:    Excusez-moi tandis que j’embrasse le ciel
German:  ent schuldigen Sie mich, während ich den Himmel küsse
Spanish:  excúseme mientras que beso el cielo

Just to make doubly sure, I ran ’em back through again. I couldn’t find anything about any guys being kissed. I think my theory holds. But the concept itself is sound. So sound, in fact, that it has been given its own name (look up “mondegreen” on the Wikipedia site). Okay, time to stop dilly-dallying and get down to the nitty-gritty. Here is a selection of gems from my personal collection of misheard lyrics. But only from the vintage years. There are others I could show you, yes, but this is as far as I go on a first date.